Hello, Zuku. How have you been? Me? Not so well.
I have been waiting one month for a refund of money that I overpaid on my account. Imagine my surprise when I called your so-called customer service representatives today and wasted 20 minutes of my life (which I can assure you that I won’t ever be able to get back) and ended up being left with no airtime on my phone, no money in my mobile wallet and no solutions presented to me by your staff.
I have been told to email the finance department, that for some mysterious reason Zuku customer service could not connect me to this mysterious finance department, and to request another refund and then wait another 21 days. This suggestion begs a question: if i already went through the proper channels and waited 21 days to receive my refund, but received no such refund and only succeeded in wasting more time and money attempting to recoup my hard earned money, then what makes you think that I am under the impression that simply “waiting” another 21 days will produce different results?
Einstein once famously said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Well, whichever Zuku employee who is reading this message, let me assure you that I am not insane. I want a refund of my money, and for clarification I mean all of the money that remains credited to my account (which currently stands at 513 Kenyan Shillings), as soon as humanly possible. I will not be wasting more of my time calling Zuku, because Zuku has proven to be completely inept in dealing with even the slightest of issues, but maybe that’s by design.
I will not be walking to a Zuku store as was suggested by multiple alleged customer service representatives. I will be emailing you, writing you, tweeting you, until I receive my refunded moneys in my mobile wallet. You have all of my details, so I refuse to believe that it’s that difficult to send me my money, the money that you are presently attempting to abscond with.
I assure you, Zuku, that I have spent more time in the last few months calling your offices about internet connectivity issues than I have actually using this internet service that you claim to be providing for the people of Kenya. I have lost all faith in your services, I have nothing but disdain for your business practices. I view you as scam artists at this point, possibly the second biggest scam in Kenya, second only to the illustriously deceptive folks over at DHL Kenya.
I tip my hat to you, for no other reason than respecting the amount of effort it takes to con people out of their own time and money so consistently. I assure you, Zuku, that I am not one to leave any shillings (or pesos, or pennies) on the table. I will pursue what is rightfully mine, those 513 Kenyan Shillings, until I have been paid what I am due. If I have to sully your name to the international press, I will do so. If I have to start hashtags on twitter to alert the people of your decepticon ways, I will do so.
I am patient. I am hungry. I want my money back, Zuku.